Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Got this in an emal thought it was true and funny!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, however, because the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no
doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly, drape it around your neck because Mom
would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!
Finally, you yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance." In this
position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you
would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck). That
will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still
smaller than the palm of your hand.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door
hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,
and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor. Now you lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet, of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too
late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life
form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not
that there was any.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew. You're
certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,
Frankly, dear, you just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the
inside of the bowl. Of course, that sprays a fine mist of water on your
butt, which then runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto
the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet
toilet seat.
You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you find in your
pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the
line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very
end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.
(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe,
plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why
is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked
questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the door!

Don't forget: A Friend Is Like A Good Bra... Hard to Find, Comfortable, Always Lifts You
Up, Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging, And Is Always Close To Your

P.s I dont know why its downloaded in a funny format but I cant be bothered t change it!!!


woot said...

Yeah - I don't think I have ever gone through that...

And I really don't feel like I am missing out at all...

woot said...


And stop posting the jokes that Maz sends or I can't post them!