Tribute to an amazing man

Lately I have been thinking about my dad a lot! Probably the reason for my over emotional spaz yesterday(see post below)

You see I miss my dad so much, he isn't here to share jokes with his grand kids, or watch them grow and learn new skills. I feel like he just left me as my new married life was just beginning. The story is a deeply sad one, I'm not sure if I am completely ready to share yet but here goes... On November 18th 2003 my phone alarm went off to remind me it was my Dad's birthday, being pregnant with our first child and at that forgetful stage I hadn't posted his card. So I went out to post it and thought nothing of it for the rest of the day. I then received a phone call from my dad's, new wife's, friend asking for my mum's phone number which I though was strange but gave it to her and again forgot about it. Then at about 8pm I had a phone call from my mum telling me my dad was dead, he had killed himself. I remember screaming NO!, shaking, dropping the phone and Stu rushing down the stairs to see what had happened. After that its blurry! The next few days were awful, I couldn't eat or sleep properly which was doing our baby no favours. I was then told how he had walked out of work in the middle of the day, gone to a petrol station and filled his can up, walked about 5 miles out of town to a field where he poured the petrol onto himself and set it a light.
What a waste of a life, I get angry at him for what he did and for how stupid he was. Why didn't he ask for help? He had family around him who loved him very much. The hole he has left in my life will never be filled, the only source of comfort I have is in God and His word.
I can't watch films with people burning in them anymore, of which there are a few that were my favourites, including Aliens. I just think how awful it is to get to that state in your life, that you think its not worth living. I have been to that point and returned safely unharmed thank God, but why him and not me?... what was it inside me that stopped me from doing it but didn't stop him?.. I guess my questions will remain unanswered.

A concerned friend writes
Well she is finally home and we had a fantastic day yesterday watching Red dwarf, catching up, playing the kids and going to pizza hut. It was just like she'd never been away.
Although I feel a lot is going to change as she informed me this morning that she is getting married (I'm still not sure if she's joking or not yet watch this space) If however she is serious I am deeply concerned, as the guy she is marrying always manages to hurt her. I want her to be happy, truly I do and if this is the man she wants I'll stand by her. I just shed a tear this morning in the worry that she will get hurt again by him and that he will let her down again. I believe in second chances but I am torn between being a good friend and my own emotions. Maybe I'm being selfish slightly in not wanting him to part of her life because of the repercussions it may have on mine. He is best mates with my ex and that's a chapter I want left closed, seeing him again may bring up too many hurtful memories. But her happiness should not be neglected just because of my fears so if this is for real congratulations babes and I wish you good luck.......

(if however this is a joke....I hate you your mean!!!......)

SHE'S MEAN IT WAS ALL A HORRIDE SCARY JOKE!!! Still stand by the above comments though that I love her and am and will always be concerned about her.

P.S even Brad Pitt would not be good enough for my Paula!!!

4 DAYS 4 DAYS 4 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited and I just cant hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it OH YEAH!!!! erm hang on not quite but nearly. If you have ever read my blog before you will know what I am on about....for those who haven'tPAULA THE FABULOUS IS COMING HOME IN 4 DAYS!!!!!!! So I am very happy as we will being indulging in Pizza and Red Dwarf for a whole day, not sure what to do with the kids yet..... maybe will put them in a cupboard... well that was Paula's suggestion! I guess Faith will enjoy the Pizza not sure about RD but we shall see. Whatever happens my bestest bud to the entire world is coming home YIPPEE!!!

Ok in response to Miss Bell's comment on post below (2 down) She has finally set a date to return to the best country in the world! She is giving up on sunshine and sand, surfer "dudes" and beach babes and leaving behind the nightmare of killer spiders. She has come to her senses! She will be home 23rd May to rain, seagull poop, and returning to former space on my sofa (the indent is still just visible better put the kettle on too!) but with the new addition of baby sick, Faith's potty "expertise" and a friend who's slightly fatter than when she left.....babies!!! Chocolate cake.....more like! Oh and of course my other half is now in a different decade to us both so we can laugh merrily at him for at least 2yrs and 11months til I join him then the laughter must stop!
Anyway enough rambling SHES COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!